I used to think teaching high school English in Mississippi was a challenge. And it was...until I moved to Texas! Every afternoon, I have the privilege of teaching English to students of all ages and stages. I have a student who is a medical doctor. I also have a student who is a chemical engineer. And then I have my "babies": sweet little elementary age children who are simply precious. They all have one thing in common - for all of them, English is a second language.
Just this week, my youngest student keeps asking me the same question: "Where were you a baby?" Today her question finally made sense: she's been trying to figure out why I don't speak her first language. I guess it just makes perfect sense to her that because I was a baby in the United States, I only speak English. But she takes GREAT pride in the fact that she speaks Italian, Spanish, and "a little Japanese"!
Today something cute happened. A second grade student was reading me a Dr. Seuss book. The consistent rhyme scheme in his books are wonderful for emergent readers of English. Today the story had the word "bow" in it. She pronounced it "bow" as in "low" or "tow" - with a long "o" sound. The problem was, the word, based on context should have been pronounced "bow" as in "now" or "how". She shot me an astonished look when I corrected her. Thankfully, I could show her the rhyming word in the story for "bow" was "WOW!!!". Finally, she was able to trust that what I was saying was, indeed, true.
This little scenario reminded me of an email that I received from my college roommate. She, too, was an English major. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. And, for me, it really puts into perspective the difficulty my students have learning this silly language of ours!
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
