O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Tonight has been a difficult one for me. I have come to a "crossroad" - a difficult fork in the road - and while I know logically what decision I need to make, I don't want to. It's too hard. It involves letting go of something/someone dear to me, and I am tired of letting go. I don't want to go through another loss right now.

That being said, my mind traveled back to another time when I had to let go, and I just felt like I couldn't. I had just learned that our precious son, David, had autism. That diagnosis was so hard to hear. The words stung and fear consumed me. How could I handle that? It seemed to signify a loss of the hopes and dreams that I had for our little boy. But God had another plan, a better plan. Today I can look over the years, and I can thank God for the autism. David has been a constant source of joy and love and laughter. He has enabled us to see life from a different perspective.

But in the the early years, it was hard, so very hard. To see our son be laughed at by his peers, to have adults make insensitive remarks, to feel like no one could relate to my pain...those years were tough. And it was during those years that I would put in a tape by Cynthia Clawson and just weep. The song I grew to love was entitled, O Love That Will Not Let Me Go. It was like applying salve to my injured heart. Tonight, my heart hurts again. And just like I did years ago, I listened to this song. And once again the lyrics served to remind me that while I might have to hold things loosely and let some things go, God will never do that to me. He has always held me, and will continue to hold me close, and tight, and He won't ever let me go.

So tonight, once again, I give my weary soul to my faithful Shepherd and trust that He will lead me, guide me, and sustain me.

O Love that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee: I give thee back the life I owe, that in Thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way, I yield my flick’ring torch to Thee; My heart restores its borrowed ray, that in Thy sunshine’s blaze its day may brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee; I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain, that morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from Thee; I lay in dust life’s glory dead, and from the ground there blossoms red, life that shall endless be.