The "EYES" Have It

As I washed my face last night, my eyes caught my attention...and not in a good way! They looked so tired and old and dark and sunken and wrinkled. So, what's a woman to do? Find her little jar of special eye goop! I slathered that stuff on like there was no tomorrow! I couldn't open my eyes for the lathery mess, but who cares? I felt my way to my bed and settled down for a good night's rest, my mind filled with thoughts about the well-rested eyes that would greet me in the mirror when I would wake up...

Fast-forward to four a.m. I rub my eyes. I rub them some more. I can't STOP rubbing them!!! They itch like crazy! I stagger out of bed, feel my way to the sink, and splash copious amounts of water on my face. The big reveal? Tired, old, dark, sunken, wrinkled eyes that are now red and swollen and itchy. Not the look I was hoping for. Thankfully, I could still get in some sleep before the new day would officially start.

Just after lunch I went to Ms. Chemical Engineer...remember her? She's my student that is way too smart for me. She asks me questions about verb tenses that would make a weaker woman faint. (Who am I kidding? My knees buckle every time I am standing outside of her apartment door! It takes everything I have just to get my finger to ring her doorbell.)

Today I am confident! I am strong! I have challenging exercises that I prepared. I will astound her with my vast knowledge of future perfect verbs, and present progressive verbs, and anything else she throws my way! I am woman, hear me roar!

So, I meekly ring her doorbell while firmly forming my trembling lips into a fake smile. We make our way to her study (aka "The Torture Chamber"), and I begin my confident (?) spiel about verbs. She stops me dead in my tracks. "I've never seen the necessity of memorizing verb tenses, as long as I know how to use them correctly." Ok...No problem...Plan B...what's Plan B???? Meanwhile, behind my plastic smile, my mantra in my mind is "Never let them see you sweat! Never let them see you sweat!"

Plan B: Let's get out our textbook and fumble our way through the next chapter since "someone" has fouled up all my fun plans. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I had an eye appointment earlier, and they put drops in my eyes. I won't be able to read today."

WELL, NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, MISS SMARTY PANTS??? I'll start my verbal tap dance!!! I go into a L O N G story about my eyes...how my eyes woke me up at 4 am, how I had cataract surgery, how distorted my vision had become, blah,blah,blah. Which led me into the story of Helen Keller. I mesmerized her with my vivid descriptions of Helen's antics as a child, how Anne Sullivan found a little cottage (Miss Know-It-All never heard of that word before, so we spent at least 15 minutes learning about what a cottage is!), and the touching way Helen was able to break through her silent world. Man, I was GOOD!!!!! She thanked me profusely for such an interesting lesson, and I walked back to my car, once again belting out, "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!!